We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
