i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
