I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
