Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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