dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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