So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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