actually, I'm a sock model
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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