my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Randomize