So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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