wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
