Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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