Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
