So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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