Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He did a backflip because drugs
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
