and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
