I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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