Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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