to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
