Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
