Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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