my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
