Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
