Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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