He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize