Nicole vs. Life
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
