Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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