That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
