Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
