How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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