im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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