I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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