Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
