New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
