he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
