the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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