Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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