at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
