I puked a lego.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
