my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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