how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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