No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
