Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
