if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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