I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
