it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
