dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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