why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
