Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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