Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
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She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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