i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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