i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize