My sheets look like a crime scene.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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