He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
