if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
