He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize