i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
