im six kinds of drunk right now
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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