we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
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Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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